0000{Send any new quotes or modifications to P. Langston, bellcore!psl}
0101{The man who sees, on New Year's day, Mount Fuji, a hawk, and
an eggplant is forever blessed.
	--Japanese proverb}
0102{"...Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and
sick and stupid to do your job properly you have to go,
where the very opposite applies with the judges."
	--"Beyond the Fringe"}
0103{"On a clear disk you can seek forever."
	--P. Denning}
0104{"Marriage - a three ring circus:
engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
	--Roger Price}
0105{"Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we
ourselves possess."
	--Gandalf the Grey}
0106{"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
	--Sherlock Holmes [A Study in Scarlet]}
0107{"Unix is the only significant operating system whose documentation
fits in a student's briefcase."
	--John Lions
"(fixed in Version 7)"
	--Mike Lesk}
[Later amended to "(fixed in 4.1 BSD)" for a talk at Bell Labs]
0108{"We must die because we have known them."
	--Ptah-hotep, 2000 b.c.}
0109{"Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it."
	--Fred Allen}
0110{"Hell is empty and all the devils are here."
	--William Shakespeare [The Tempest]}
0111{"The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover
his intellectual nakedness."
	--Robert M. Hutchins}
0112{"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not
bite you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
	--Mark Twain}
0113{"Some men feel that the only thing they owe the woman who
marries them is a grudge."
	--Helen Rowland}
0114{"Let no guilty man escape."
	--U. S. Grant}
0115{"It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty
and wealth have both failed."
	--Kim Hubbard}
0116{"Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier."
	--H. L. Mencken}
0117{"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want,
drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
	--Mark Twain}
0118{"... the universe with the null truthset ...
is a triumph of triviality."
	-- W. v. O. Quine}
0118{Yes, but does it rape elephants?
	--Brent Byer
Happy Birthday -- A. A. MILNE}
0119{"The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the
rationalizations of the victors.  History is written by the survivors."
	--Max Lerner}
0120{"Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit
some people."
	--F. M. Hubbard}
0121{"We have met the enemy and he is us."
	--Walt Kelly}
0122{"You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up."
	--Richard Nixon [1952]}
0123{"Give me libertines or give me meth."
	-- P. Langston}
0124{"The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle
our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns."
	--Helen Rowland}
0125{"Humility is the first of the virtues - for other people."
	--Oliver Wendell Holmes}
0126{"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is
no humor in Heaven."
	--Mark Twain}
0127{"In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice;
then he made school boards."
	--Mark Twain}
0128{"SCCS: the source code motel --
Your programs check in, but they never check out!"
	--Ken Thompson}
0129{"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
	--H. L. Mencken}
0130{"All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money,
it's for fun.  Money's just the way we keep score."
	--Henry Tyroon}
0131{"Do you suffer painful elimination?"
	--advertisement, cited by Don Knuth [structured programming with gotos]
"Do you suffer painful recrimination?"
	--Nancy Boxer [structured partying with come-froms]
"Do you suffer painful illumination?"
	--Isaac Newton [optics]
"Do you suffer painful hallucination?"
	--Don Juan, cited by Carlos Casteneda
[Journey to Altoona: yet another conversation with don juan]}
0201{"Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American now
pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
	--H. L. Mencken}
0202{"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine
that age brings wisdom."
	--H. L. Mencken}
0203{"It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain
why you did it wrong."
	--H. W. Longfellow}
0204{"Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women
have of their wrongs."
	--E. W. Howe}
0205{"The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers
pay the expense of it."
	--Josh Billings}
0206{Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
	--Woody Allen}
0207{"God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice
as much as we speak."
	--Arab proverb}
0208{"If you cannot be chaste, be careful."
	--Spanish Proverb}
0209{"Your worship is your furnaces
which, like old idols, lost obscenes,
have molten bowels; your vision  is
machines for making more machines.
	--Gordon Bottomley [1874]}
0210{"Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts
to each other without consideration of their relation to experience."
	--Albert Einstein}
0211{"The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture."
	--Elbert Hubbard}
0212{"No self-made man ever did such a good job that some woman
didn't want to make some alterations."
	--Kim Hubbard}
0213{"We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word
we do not all mean the same thing."
	--A. Lincoln}
0214{"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive."
	--Don Herold}
0215{"No character, however upright, is a match for constantly
reiterated attacks, however false."
	--Alexander Hamilton}
0216{"A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows."
	--O'Henry}
0217{"My father, a good man, told me 'never lose your ignorance;
you cannot replace it.'"
	--Erich Maria Remarque}
0218{All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
	--Samuel Beckett}
0219{"Air:  a nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence
for the fattening of the poor."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
0220{"If a group of N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there
will be N-1 passes....  Someone in the group has to be the manager."
	--T. Cheatham}
0221{"Without adventure, civilization is in full decay."
	--Alfred North Whitehead}
0222{"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity.
Another man's, I mean."
	--Mark Twain}
0223{"I had the rare misfortune of being one of the first people
to try and implement a PL/1 compiler."
	--T. Cheatham}
0224{Unemployed is a waitress named Fisk
Who kept all files on disk
Drinking and typing, one day in a bar,
She fumbled, clobbering all text with a star
Wasn't she a silly girl with her ast'risk?
	-- Philip Lelle, SIGDOC(*)}
0224{The 11 is for people with the pride of a 10 and
the pocketbook of an 8.		
	--R. B. Greenberg}
0225{"To iterate is human, to recurse, divine."
	--Robert Heller}
0225{"The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing."
	--T. Cheatham}
0226{"At least I thought I was dancing... until somebody stepped on my hand."
	--Billy T. Mountain}
0227{"We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it."
	--La Rochefoucauld}
0228{"She often gave herself very good advice [though she very
seldom followed it]."
	--Lewis Carroll}
0229{Your majesty is like a stream of bat's piss... When
all around is dark, you shine out like a shaft of gold.
	--Monty Python}
0301{"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
It is never any use to oneself."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0302{"Many a man that can't direct you to a corner drugstore will get a
respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind."
	--Finley Peter Dunne}
0303{"When you say that you agree to a thing in principle you mean that you
have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice."
	--Bismarck}
0304{"Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks
who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well."
	--Will Rogers}
0305{"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been
more wonderful to miss it."
	--Mark Twain}
0306{"Life would be tolerable but for its amusements."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0307{"Genealogy:  an account of one's descent from an ancestor
who did not particularly care to trace his own."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
0308{"An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth
or one-and-a-half truths."
	--Karl Kraus}
0309{"The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves
the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates
him; and it is always the same  being who produces the impressions."
	--Marquis d.a.f. de Sade}
0310{"The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately
in the palpably not true.  It is the chief occupation of mankind."
	--H. L. Mencken}
0311{"What is wanted is not the will-to-believe, but the wish to
find out, which is exact opposite."
	--Bertrand Russell}
0312{"I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with
the best."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0313{"If one canot enjoy reading a book over and over again,
there is no use in reading it at all."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0314{"Brandy-and-water spoils two good things."
	--Charles Lamb}
0315{"It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is
a proper judge of it."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0316{"Progress is impossible without change, and those who
cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0317{"A cousin of mine once said about money, `money is always there but the
pockets change; it is not in the same pockets after a change, and that
is all there is to say about money.'"    
	--Gertrude Stein}
0318{"The Ford Foundation. . . is a large body of money completely
surrounded by people who want some."
	--Dwight MacDonald}
0319{"I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Indeed, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all."
	--Ogden Nash}
0320{"The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach
their children to speak it."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0321{"I think of myself as the cruise director on the TITANIC.  I may not
get there, but I'm going first class."
	--Art Buchwald}
0322{"Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business."
	--H. R. J. Grosch[attributed]}
0323{"It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?"
	--Elizabeth Carpenter}
0324{"Advertising is the most fun of anything you can do with your
clothes on."
	--Advertising executive Mary Wells}
0325{"When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
the first lion thinks the last a bore."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0326{"We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill
jackass no matter how self-seeking."
	--F. G. Withington}
0327{"Infidel:  In New York, one who does not believe in the
Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
0328{"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of
unnecessary necessities."
	--Mark Twain}
0329{"A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read."
	--Mark Twain}
0330{"Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven;
confess them to man and you will be laughed at."
	--Josh Billings}
0331{"How can you do 'New Math' problems with an 'Old Math' mind?"
	--Schulz}
0401{April is the cruellest month...
	--Thomas Stearns Eliot}
0402{"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half
of the people are right more than half of the time."
	--E. B. White}
0403{"All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most
injurious things against him, but we never hear his side."
	--Mark Twain}
0404{"God's work made a hopeful beginning,
But man spoiled his chances by sinning.
We hope that this story
Will end in God's glory,
But at present the other side's winning."}
0405{"It is one thing to praise discipline,
and another to submit to it."
	--Cervantes}
0406{"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of
24 hours."
	--Mark Twain on New England weather}
0407{Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscribed
in one self place, for where we are is Hell,
and where Hell is there must we ever be;
	--Christopher Marlowe [Doctor Faustus]}
0408{"As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if
you know its true name."
	--Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie}
0409{"Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves
for market."
	--E. W. Howe}
0410{"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to
remember that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0411{A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished
at the edges."
	--B. Franklin}
0412{"Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee."
	--Kin Hubbard}
0413{"There are people so addicted to exageration that they
can't tell the truth without lying."
	--Josh Billings}
0414{"Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0415{"When our best friends are in trouble, there is always
something that is not wholly displeasing to us."
	--La Rochefoucauld}
0416{"My father was a God-fearing man, but he never missed a
copy of the New York 'Times', either."
	--E. B. White}
0417{"The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like
that of wrestling with a fine woman."
	--Lord Halifax}
0418{"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats."
	--B. Franklin}
0419{"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right
thing to say.  And then say it with the utmost levity."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0420{"You can get into trouble if you take a soldering iron and put
it on top of the B register."
	-- B. Lampson}
0421{"A competent and responsible secretary spells the difference between
success and mediocrity in the everyday workings of any business."
	--Harry Belafonte   (Happy Secretary's Day!)}
0422{"Our vision will speed up time, eventually deleting it."
	--Alex Schure, president N.Y.I.T.}
0423{"FORTRAN rots the brain."
	--John McQuillin}
0424{"The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great
height but just above the ground.  It seems more designed to make
people stumble than to be walked upon."
	--Franz Kafka}
0425{"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking."
	---H. L. Mencken}
0426{"I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent
an idiot."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0427{"The IBM 2250 is impressive if you compare it with a system selling
for a tenth its price."
	--D. Cohen}
0428{"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."
	--W. C. Fields' epitaph}
0429{"A man of genius makes no mistakes.  His errors are volitional and are
the portals of discovery."            
	--James Joyce [Ulysses]}
0430{"A bit of talcum
Is always walcum"
	--Ogden Nash}
0501{"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
	---Joseph Stalin}
0502{Lady Astor:
    "Mr. Churchill, did you not just end a sentence with a preposition?"
Winston Churchill:
    "Madam, this is the sort of English up with which I will not put."}
0503{"If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know."
	--Louis Armstrong}
0504{"Early to rise and early to bed
makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead!"
	--James Thurber
"Early to bed and early to rise
your gal goes out with other guys!"
	--Alton & Rabon Delmore (the Delmore Brothers)}
0505{"Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?"
	--Nathan Pusey}
0506{"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
	--Winston Churchill}
0507{"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
revolution inevitable."
	--John Fitzgerald Kennedy}
0508{"Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing - it
requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up."
	--Bernard Cooke}
0509{"Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason."
	--Winston Churchill}
0510{"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
	--Ogden Nash}
0511{" Failsafe ??
The cooling system of the University of Florida's  nuclear reactor malfunctions
whenever a toilet is flushed in the reactor building.  A sign of the building's
lavatory doors reads  'Please  don't  flush  the  toilet  while  the reactor is
running.'  Untimely flushes have caused  the reactor to be shut down five times
in the past three years."
	-- UPI}
0511{"No matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th'
supreme court follows th' iliction returns."
	--Mr. Dooley}
0512{"FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed-it is hardy, occasionally
blooms, and grows in every computer."
	--A. J. Perlis}
0513{"Familiarity breeds contempt-and children."
	--Mark Twain}
0514{HAPPY FIRST VACCINATION, EDWARD JENNER (1798)}
0515{"Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse."
	--Cervantes}
0516{"There never was a good war or a bad peace."
	--B. Franklin}
0517{". . . cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education"
	--Mark Twain}
0518{"On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN."
	--DEB
(He must have been hung over from the seventh day party)}
0519{"The old mole never moves too soon; he patiently waits and waits,
then strikes when time is correct."}
0519{"I give you the man who
	-- the man who
	--
uh, I forgets
the man who?"          
	--Beauregard Bugleboy}
0520{"Algol-60 surely must be regarded as the most important programming
language yet developed."
	--T. Cheatham}
0521{"Try not to have a good time. . .This is supposed to be educational."
	--Charles Schulz}
0522{"Man is a military animal,
Glories in gunpowder, and loves parades"
	--P. J. Bailey}
0523{"Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to
conceal their thoughts."
	--Voltaire}
0524{"A full belly makes a dull brain."
	--Ben Franklin [and the local candy machine man]}
0525{"It's not the time it takes to take the takes that takes the time;
it's the time it takes _______between the takes that takes the time!"
	--S. Spielberg

"It's not the time between the takes that takes the time; it's changing your
mind between the takes that takes the time."
	--Stage Dept.}
0526{"Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or needs to."
	--Mark Twain}
0527{"The joke goes: `On May 27, 1982 at 4:30 in the afternoon,
the bottom dropped out of the video business.'"
	--RePlay magazine editorial}
0528{"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits"
	--Mark Twain}
0529{"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
	--M. L. King}
0530{"Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits
of the world."
	--Schopenhauer}
0531{". . . FORTRAN . . . will persist for some time -- probably for at
least the next decade."
	--T. Cheatham}
0601{"No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness."
	--Aristotle}
0602{"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run."
	--Mark Twain}
0603{"If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers."
	--Tom Wicker}
0604{"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
	--A. Einstein}
0605{"All people are born alike
	-- except Republicans and Democrats."
	--Groucho Marx}
0606{"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
	--Ben Franklin}
0607{". . .building translators is good clean fun."
	--T. Cheatham}
0608{"If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become
president of Harvard."
	--Edward Holyoke}
0609{"If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach
a conclusion."
	--William Baumol}
0610{"Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful."
	--Erwin Tomash}
0611{"Always do right.  This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest."
	--Mark Twain}
0612{"An expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to
the grand fallacy."
	--B. Stolberg}
0613{". . . No extensible language will be universal."
	--T. Cheatham}
0614{"The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth."
	--A. Camus}
0615{". . . [W]e use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things."
	--R. W. Hamming}
0616{"To be great is to be misunderstood."
	--Ralph Waldo Emerson}
0617{"War hath no fury like a non-combatant."
	--Charles Edward Montague}
0618{"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. . ."
	--Ralph Waldo Emerson}
0619{"I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini."
	--Alexander Woollcott}
0620{"The only reward of virtue is virtue. . ."
	--Ralph Waldo Emerson}
0621{"Blessed are the forgetful:  for they get the better even of their
blunders."
	--Nietzsche}
0622{"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing."
	--Ralph Waldo Emerson}
0623{"Woman was God's second mistake."
	--Nietzsche}
0624{"The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it."
	--R. W. Emerson}
0625{"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."
	--Thomas Alva Edison}
0626{"I hate quotations."
	--Ralph Waldo Emerson}
0627{"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
see it tried on him personally."
	--A. Lincoln}
0628{"You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends."
	--Joseph Conrad}
0629{"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, . . . it expects what
never was and never will be."
	--Thomas Jefferson}
0630{"... I then realized that comitting suicide in
Buffalo was redundant."
	--A Chorus Line}
0701{"When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as
public property."
	--Thomas Jefferson}
0702{"Work continues in this area."
	--DEC's SPR-Answering-Automaton}
0703{"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."
	--Mark Twain}
0704{"The Cranford fire department is good for Fourth of July fireworks,
but I wouldn't want to see their moon rocket."
	--Vic Vyssotsky
Happy Birthday - U. STATES}
0705{"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
	--Aesop}
0706{"Delay is preferable to error."
	--Thomas Jefferson}
0707{" . . . there is no distinctly native American criminal class
except Congress."
	--Mark Twain}
0708{"I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing . . "
	--Thomas Jefferson}
0709{"Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten
everything you learned."
	--Anon.}
0710{"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now-always."
	--Albert Schweitzer}
0711{"There are two ways of disliking art.  One is to dislike it.
The other is to like it rationally."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0712{"Soldiers who wish to be a hero
Are practically zero,
But those who wish to be civilians,
Jesus, they run into the millions."}
0713{"Put all your eggs in one basket and -- WATCH THAT BASKET."
	--Mark Twain}
0714{"It is so soon that I am done for,
I wonder what I was begun for."
	--Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard}
0715{"If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his
reverence for all of life."
	--Albert Schweitzer}
0716{"Lawsuit (noun)--
A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
0717{"Prejudice (noun)--
A vagrant opinion without visible means of support."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
0718{"In every non-trivial program there is at least one bug."
	--Anon.}
0719{"You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing
forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute."
	--A. Bierce}
0720{"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do...Play consists of
whatever a body is not obliged to do."
	--Mark Twain}
0721{"They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy.  Foreigners always spell
better than they pronounce."
	--Mark Twain}
0722{"The PDP-11/60 was designed to give an especially low MTBF
(mean time between failures) and a very high MTTR (mean time to
repair)."
	-- PDP-11/60 Handbook}
0723{"Tobacco is a filthy weed,
That from the devil does proceed;
It drains your purse,
it burns your clothes,
And makes a chimney of your nose."
	--B. Waterhouse}
0724{"In war, truth is the first casualty."
	--U Thant}
0725{"...if we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage
it, and involve others in our doom."
	--Sam Adams}
0726{"COBOL is for morons."
	--E. W. Dijkstra}
0727{"Human kind cannot bear very much reality."
	--T. S. Eliot [Four Quartets: Burnt Norton]}
0728{"I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger."
	--Gloria Steinem}
0729{"I guess the Little League is even littler than we thought."
	--D. Cavett}
0730{"All seems condemned in the long run to approximate a state akin to
Gaussian noise."
	--James Martin}
0731{"Law enforcement officers should use only the minimum force necessary in
dealing with disorders when they arise."
	--Richard M. Nixon}
0801{"How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards in reasoning,
and are so afraid to stand the test of ridicule?"
	--A. Cooper}
0802{"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is
the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
	--William Pitt[1783]}
0803{"...the distinction between true and false appears to become
increasingly blurred by...the pollution of the language."
	--Arne Tiselius}
0804{"Women sometimes forgive a man who forces the opportunity, but never a
man who misses one."
	--Charles De Talleyrand-Perigord}
0805{"Every nation has the government it deserves."
	--Joseph De Maistre}
0806{"Who does not love wine, women, and song
Remains a fool his whole life long."
	--Johann Heinrich Voss}
0807{"In less than a century, computers will be making substantial progress
on...the overriding problem of war and peace."
	--James Slagle}
0808{"...if people drank ink instead of Schlitz, they'd be better off."
	--Edward E. Hippensteel [What brand of ink?]}
0809{"Britain has lowered the tax on chastity belts by about 60 cents each...
[reclassifying them] as a safety device rather than...clothing"
	--NYTimes}
0810{"A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used."
	--D. Gries}
0811{"FORTRAN is a good example of a language which is easier to parse using
ad hoc techniques."
	--D. Gries [What's good about it?]}
0812{"We are the unwilling...led by the unqualified...to do the
unnecessary...for the ungrateful..."
	--GI in Vietnam, 1970}
0813{"Photographing a volcano is just about the most miserable thing you can
do ..."
	--Robert B. Goodman [who has never tried to use a PDP-10]}
0814{"Keep the number of passes in a compiler to a minimum."
	--D. Gries}
0815{"Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God
when He did not want to sign."
	--Anatole France
Happy Birthday - N. BONAPARTE}
0816{"Assembly language experience is...[important] for the maturity and
understanding of how computers work that it provides"
	--D. Gries}
0817{"Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time."
	--D. Gries}
0818{"Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business."
	--P. J. Denning}
0819{"All really anxious people give an impression of serenity."
	--Alain Resnais}
0820{In this vale
of toil and sin
your head grows bald
but not your chin
       Burma Shave}
0821{"Art does not reproduce the visible, but makes visible."
	--Paul Klee}
0822{"...we are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese
dialects...to handle present and likely future contingencies"
	--J. Hoover}
0823{"Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
	--C. Northcote Parkinson}
0824{"Computer programs expand so as to fill the core available."
	--Anon.}
0825{"...recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man is
being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator."
	--C. N. Parkinson}
0826{"...[A committee] takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies,
scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.."
	--Parkinson}
0827{"...the time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee]
will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved."
	--C. N. Parkinson}
0828{"We shouldn't fund too much or else the entrepreneurs get discouraged."
	--Ed Napp, dir. NSF
Happy Birthday - SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN MAGAZINE}
0829{"Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation, all our researches
...point to an average increase of 5.75% per year."
	--C. N. Parkinson}
0830{"Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of
the beholder."
	--Dr. Laurence J. Peter}
0831{"Working at Atari these days is more like on-the-job-retirement"
	--Gary Winnick}
0901{"In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence."
"In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent
to carry out its duties."
	--Dr. Laurence J. Peter}
0902{"If I had it all to do over again?  Hmm ...
I guess I'd spell `creat' with an `e'."
	--Ken Thompson (on Unix)}
0903{"The [Lisp] mail program is too complicated to write a manual for."
	--Daniel Weinraub [attributed]}
0904{"Federal grants are offered for ... research into the recreation
potential of interplanetary space travel for the culturally disadvantaged."
	--Dr. L. J. Peter}
0905{"The VFW represents many who died to give this country a second chance
to make it what it is supposed to be--God's guest house on earth."
	--John Wayne}
0906{"The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them,
not what you want."
	--D. Cohen}
0907{"When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched,
the majority of men live content."
	--Niccolo Machiavelli}
0908{"...man must shape his tools lest they shape him."
	--Arthur R. Miller}
0909{"Using TSO is like like kicking a dead whale down the beach."
	--Steve Johnson}
0910{"Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue."
	--J. K. Galbraith}
0911{"...a Nixon [is preferable to] ...a Dean Rusk-who will be passionately
wrong with a high sense of consistency."
	--J. K. Galbraith}
0912{"...it's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong."
	--J. K. Galbraith}
0913{"Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane person would
wantonly inflict on someone else."
	--Clarence Darrow}
0914{"Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life."
	--Schulz}
0915{"No good deed ever goes unpunished."
	--Anonymous}
0916{"He tells you when you've got on too much lipstick,
And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick."
	--O. Nash [on the perfect husband]}
0917{"The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars,
nor its great scholars great men."
	--Oliver Wendall Holmes}
0918{"The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0919{"If parents would only realize how they bore their children."
	--G. B. Shaw}
0920{"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascina-
tion.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0921{"I love mankind...It's people I hate."
	--Schulz}
0922{"Women's virtue is man's greatest invention"
	--Cornelia Otis Skinner}
0923{"The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile."
	--Ogden Nash}
0924{"...youth-not a time of life but a state of mind,...a predominance of
courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease."
	--Robert F. Kennedy}
0925{"We have nowhere else to go...this is all we have."
	--Margaret Mead}
0926{"No house should ever be on any hill or on anything.  It should be of the
hill, belonging to it..."
	--Frank Lloyd Wright}
"What costs $160,000 and goes 6" a day?"
	--Rob Poor (after his house slid down the hill)}
0927{"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
	--Oscar Wilde}
0928{"Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his
frisbee."
	--Snoopy}
0929{"The pollution's at that awkward stage.  Too thick to navigate and too
thin to cultivate."
	--Doug Sneyd}
0930{"But they'll never mechanize me-not me!
Said Charlotte, the Louisville harlot."
	--S. I. Hayakawa}
1001{"There are twenty-five people left in the world, and twenty-seven of
them are hamburgers."
	--Ed Sanders}
1002{"Did Detroit invent the back seat to destroy the morals of  America?"
	--Ed Sanders}
1003{"It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination
of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends..."
	--Russell Baker and Charles Peters}
1004{"I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function
effectively."
	--Albert Speer}
1005{"No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings."
	--W. Blake}
1006{"What does education often do?  It makes a straight cut ditch of a free
meandering brook."
	--Henry David Thoreau}
1007{"Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by
understanding."
	--A. Einstein}
1008{"I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly
if he has income and she is pattable."
	--Ogden Nash}
1009{"The Bird of Time has but a little way to fly...
and the bird is on the wing."
	--Omar Khayyam}
1010{"Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm."
	--John F. Kennedy}
1011{"Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers."
	--Tom Lehrer}
1012{"You have not converted a man because you have silenced him."
	--John Viscount Morley}
1013{"Corruption is not the No. 1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job
is to enforce the law and fight crime."
	--P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan}
1014{"Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length."
	--Anon.}
1015{"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like
unrequited love."
	--Charlie Brown}
1016{"The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen
in the image of Englishmen."
	--Winston Churchill [1942]}
1017{"[Prime Minister MacDonald has] the gift of compressing the largest
amount of words into the smallest amount of thought."
	--W. Churchill}
1018{"COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler one expects
from a corporation whose president codes in octal."
	--J. N. Gray}
1019{"Well, God gave me a bust.  What am I supposed to do with it?"
	--Mrs. Martha Mitchell}
1020{"[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
vices I admire."
	--Winston Churchill}
1021{"...Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other
forms that have been tried from time to time."
	--Winston Churchill}
1022{"...the water was not fit to drink.  To make it palatable, we had to add
whiskey.  By diligent effort, I learned to like it."
	--W. Churchill}
1023{"I am not a politician and my other habits are also good."
	--A. Ward}
1024{"[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man, he loves to
see him work."
	--Winston Churchill}
1025{I can't put my finger on it, but something about you pisses me off.
	--Peter Knight}
1026{"Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are."
	--Pope St. Gregory I}
1027{"Life is like a tin of sardines.  We're, all of us, looking
for the key."
	--"Beyond the Fringe"}
1028{"If some day it should happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list, I've got a little list."
	--Koko, in "The Mikado"}
1029{"There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange."
	--Thomas W. Lamont [29 oct 1929]}
1030{"Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself."
	--Helen Rowland}
1031{"Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id."
	--"Webster's Unafraid Dictionary"}
1101{"I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once,
but I was wrong."
	--Lucy Van Pelt}
1102{"Programming and Puddings demand consistency."
	--David R. Hanson
Happy Birthday - WARREN G. HARDING}
1103{"There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such
wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling
investment of fact."
	--Mark Twain}
1104{"As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard."
	--J. F. Kennedy}
1105{Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."}
1106{"To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life."
	--Senator Edmund Muskie}
1107{"...Thus mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we
never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true."
	--Bertrand Russell}
1108{"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on
what you put into it."
	--Tom Lehrer}
1109{"APL is a natural extension of assembler language programming;...and is
best for educational purposes."
	--A. Perlis}
1110{"The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its
prisons."
	--F. Dostoyevski}
1111{"...the Army has carried the American...ideal to its logical
conclusion,...not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of
race, creed and color, but also on...ability."
	--T. Lehrer}
1112{"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a
cat has only nine lives."
	--Mark Twain}
1113{"I have nothing but utter contempt for the courts of this land."
	--George Wallace}
1114{"A programmer down in Moline
Said, I'm the match for any machine.
My secret's aversion
To loops and recursion--
Just acres of in-line routine."   
	--W. J. Wilson}
1115{"All men profess honesty as long as they can.  To believe
all men honest would be folly.  To believe none so is something worse."
	--John Quincy Adams}
1116{"The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck
the societies in which they occur."
	--A. N. Whitehead}
1117{"You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond
the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason,
and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
	--Sherlock Holmes [The Norwood Builder]}
1118{"'Tehee' quod she, and clapte the wyndow to."
	--Geoffrey Chaucer}
1119{"[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people."
	--Somerset Maugham}
1120{"Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once..."
	--Winston Churchill}
1121{"Texas is Hell on woman and horses."
	--Wayne Oakes}
1122{"As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods;
they kill us for their sport."
	--Shakespeare [King Lear]}
1123{"...the computer is to the information industry roughly what the
central power station is to the electrical industry."
	--Peter Drucker}
1124{"[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be
undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful
for impotency."
	--W. Churchill}
1125{"You know you're unpopular when the roaches pack up and leave."
	--R. Wilson (formerly of DPW)}
1126{"Heisenberg may have been here."
	--Anon.}
1127{"American cars are made shoddily...Cars made overseas are far superior."
	--Sen. Barry Goldwater}
1128{"The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined
by amateurs."
	--G. B. Shaw}
1129{"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being
a damn fool about it."
	--W. C. Fields}
1130{"[Washington, D.C.] is the home of...taste for the people-the big, the
bland and the banal."
	--Ada Louise Huxtable}
1201{"Documentation is like sex:  when it is good, it is very very good;
and when it it bad, it is better than nothing."
	--Dick Brandon}
1202{"It appears that PL/I (and its dialects) is, or will be, the most widely
used higher level language for systems programming."
	--J. Sammet}
1203{"War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military."
	--Clemenceau}
1204{"A beautiful woman is a blessing from heaven,
but a good cigar is a smoke."     
	--Kipling
"I smoked my first cigar and kissed my first woman on the same day;
I have never had time for tobacco since."
	--Toscanini}
1205{"No rock so hard but that a little wave
May beat admission in a thousand years."
	--Tennyson}
1206{"I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism, he
catches it in a very acute form."
	--Winston Churchill[1903]}
1207{"Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from
being stoned on gin."
	--Ralph Nader}
1208{"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
	--W. Churchill}
1209{"If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat?"
	--Woody Allen}
1210{"President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the
vote.  In a democracy, that's not called quitting."
	--The Washington Post}
1211{"Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better."
	--Camus}
1212{"It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will
have a high-level meeting."
	--Rev. Carl McIntire on Nixon's China trip}
1213{"Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.  Harvard's is a
subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit,
for all I know."
	--Prof. J. H. Finley '25}
1214{"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead
for 2 years."
	--Tom Lehrer}
1215{"The future is a race between education and catastrophe."
	--H. G. Wells}
1216{"Happiness isn't something you experience;
it's something you remember."
	--Oscar Levant
Happy Birthday - L V BEETHOVEN}
1217{"Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff."
	--Peter de Vries}
1218{"Proper treatment will cure a cold in seven days, but left
to itself, a cold will hang on for a week."
	--Darrell Huff}
1219{"The grave's a fine and private place,
but none, i think, do there embrace."
	-- Andrew Marvell}
1220{"A person who is more than casually interested in computers should
be well schooled in machine language, since it is a fundamental part
of a computer."
	--Donald Knuth}
1221{"Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do."--Anon.}
1222{F. Scott Fitzgerald to Hemingway:  "Ernest, the rich are
different from us."  EH:  "Yes.  They have more money."}
1223{"Santa Claus is alive and well and lives in our mind
	--
except for his residence at the North Pole for tax purposes."
	-- Shoe}
1224{"Christian:  one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely
inspired book, admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor."
	--Ambrose Bierce}
1225{"There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses
smoking in the men's room.
	--W. Bossert}
1226{"You cannot have a science without measurement . . ."
	--R. W. Hamming
Happy Birthday - CHARLES BABBAGE (1792)}
1227{"The only difference in the game of love over the last few
thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds."
	--The Indianapolis "Star"}
1228{"Had I been present at the creation
I would have given some useful hints
for the better ordering of the universe."
	--Alfonso the Wise, King of Castile
Happy Birthday - JOHN VON NEUMANN}
1229{Fried's 1st Rule: "Increased automation of clerical function
invariably results in increased operational costs."}
1230{"Yea from the table of my memory
I'll wipe away all trivial fond records."
	--William Shakespeare [Hamlet]}
1231{"New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his
age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it."
	--"Webster's Unafraid Dictionary"}