Subject: STAR TREK: THE SEARCH FOR POWER

From: Marvin Johnston <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat Mar 15 00:07:00 2003

I just received this in email, and thought this might be interesting to
the listmembers!

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  "Sulu, set XR4 to CPM, and install the ExtRAM.  We're taking her out."
  "Aye, sir." 
  "Scotty, how long until we can shift into Linux?"
  "Captain, if you can install the bubble memory, we might have room for
Linux and a couple of system utilities.  Possibly an application. I
think we can do it, but there are too many unknowns.  We'll need to do a
proper shakedown." 
  "Spock?"
  "Linux is a massive system, Captain.  It may be more than we can
handle." 
  "Sulu, compile the Linux kernel, and load it from the cassette drive."
  "Cassette drive?  ......Aye, Captain." 
  "Scotty, I want full power to the internal modem and to the PDD2." 
  "Captain, yer overloadin' her as it is.  The power supply just isn't
built to run the external LEDs." 
  "Power, Scotty!  I want more power!  Chekov, attach the mouse to the
BCR.  Spock, any results on the clock speed?" 
  "Fascinating, Captain.  It seems as if the modem interrupt is
overwriting the background task timing, which is slowing down system
performance." 
  "Yes, Bones?  What do you want?"
  "Jim, you just have a little spreadsheet work, mailing labels, and
some word processing.  Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"
  "Scotty, where is that power!?"
  "Captain, I'm givin' ye all she's got. It's that miserable printer
with the low impedance causing a backward leak through the low-power
indicator.  You'll have to install a diode to fix the bias if you want
to see the true power level." 
  "Chekov, install the half-wave rectifier." 
  "Yes, sir." 
  "Uhura, any word from Club 100?"
  "Well, Captain, we've received several interrupts from the ring-detect
circuit, but, because we're not multitasking, the data is just sitting
there."
  "Sulu?" 
  "Captain, she's shifting into 600 baud Captain, I'm losing control at
the helm.  It looks like we've encountered a bad sector." 
  "Put it on visual, Sulu." 
  "Captain, the monitor is not responding, sir. Shifting display to LCD
mode."
  "Spock?  What's the problem?" 
  "Unknown, Captain.  Linux seems to be rerouting all input to a null
device."  Trying 'grep'", now muttering, "whatever that is."
  "Scotty, what's happening with those '/dev' subdirectories?"
  "Captain, she canna take much morrre....  Another fifteen seconds and
the NICAD'll burrrn up for surrre...." 
  "Scotty, we're not using the NICAD."
  "Sorry, Captain, but I haven't been able to say that for twenty
minutes." 
  "Uhura, notify Club 100."
  "Captain, the display cannot keep up with input data past 300 baud." 
  "Spock, install the SWEEP scroll disable."
  "Yes, sir." "Captain!  I'm getting a message from Club 100......
Apparently, sir, they're going to time-warp previously forgotten modes
of data handling; it looks like binary data is being received in the
input buffer port now." 
  "Scotty, quick, shift TELCOM to Kermit.  This could be a trick to get
us back to the standard ROM."
  "Chekov, we need hardcopy! Fire HP LaserJet!" 
  "Aye, sir."
  "Bones, how do I see which tasks are active?" 
  "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a command shell!"
  "Scotty!  Why can't I get a directory on this thing!!?"
  "Captain, ye just canna have the X Window System running in 32K of
RAM.  It's like matter and antimatter, the system's too bogged down. Yer
drainin me quartz crystals." 
  "Chekov, report." 
  "Captain, the little arrow is responding, but the status bar shows
we're back to 1980."
  "Spock?  What's happening to our multitasking?" 
  "It appears as if the needs of the one are outweighing the needs of
the many."
  "Captain, she's not even runnin on reserve now. We'll have to do a
cold boot for surrre." 
  "Bones?" 
  "It's dead, Jim."